My Fifth Limb (“Pratyahara”) Journey
During my childhood, my identity was “the sick child”, always visiting the doctor, being prescribed antibiotics or other medicines to mend me back to health. Ear infection, doctor visit, sinus infection, doctor visit, bronchitis, here are these meds, “you again ma’am?” This was a pattern from elementary school until high school.
When I graduated high school, I became curious about health, specifically the foods I consumed. I wondered if there was a correlation between what I ate and how I felt. Full disclosure, I did not have the healthiest eating habits as a child or adolescent. My diet consisted of foods that were heavily processed or high in sugar. Another concern was my weight. I was heavy as a child but went up and down during my teen years. Fad diets did not work for me as I temporarily lost weight but resorted back to foods I craved. At a physical level, I thought exercise may be an option to improve my health and physical appearance. I participated in rigorous activity such as boxing and TRX. I became obsessed with the feeling after the exercise, but it was temporary. There was something lacking at a deeper level.
I developed interest in yoga during my years of serving as a mental health therapist (early 20’s). It was a rewarding, yet extremely stressful profession. I recall taking some classes that drenched me in sweat or made me cry. Yoga awakened something in me.
Fast forward to my middle-aged adulthood, my biggest teacher was a cancer diagnosis I received about 3 years ago. That’s where my yoga and “real inward” journey began. Full disclosure, I experienced this condition in all my “koshas” -cruising a wave of intense colors, sounds, and shapes. One moment surfing the wave of anger, another sadness, hopelessness, determination, and the list goes on. Despite, how depleted I felt after chemo sessions, I never left my yoga. I accepted where I was in the moment. One day, I would do my two-minute pranayama practice. Another day, I would read or write a reflection. Other days I was compassionate enough to tell myself: “today my yoga will be going outside to taste fresh air.” Nevertheless, I am still learning and practicing compassion and kindness to myself. I will say I’m tremendously grateful to be in good health (without cancer) now, but my health continues to be a “journey” and not a “destination.”
Invitation for reflection: I encourage you to take as little as two minutes a day to turn “inward.” Give yourself permission to put your phone on silent or airplane mode. Find a position that speaks comfort for you. Attend to your heart rate and breath pattern. Allow yourself to flow into this space of being. How do those 2 minutes of stillness feel for you?
About the Author:
Veronica Alvarez, LCSW, is an Academic Program Professional in the Stanford Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences. She is passionate about her work in health and wellness promotion. Veronica provides support to staff and clients who have suffered either a past traumatic experience or chronic illness. She teaches and encourages the practice of self-care strategies to manage intense emotions associated with stress. These self-care strategies are focused on mindfulness combined with self-compassion skills. Specifically, the skills are centered on healthy eating habits, fostering gratitude, positive affirmations, gentle movement and connection to self and others.